Give me a break!

Have you felt totally miserable some days?. I know its not that worse like some thing really unexpected or bad happening.

It is like, when every thing you do goes wrong; dear ones keep telling you things, which you do not want to hear at all.

You are super busy at work and do not have time for yourself or the family and the family keep complaining.

No one understands you even the person closest to you. You start hating yourself.

I need a vacation badly. How do you want your vacation to be?

1. I can do what ever I feel like doing. ( don’t think that can happen)

2. No one ask me WHY??? (no way)

3. I should feel I am enjoying it. (mmm may be)

4. No worries at all ( NEVER )

5. Just, relax, enjoy and have fun (Not at all)
6. Watch what ever you like on TV(forget it, then throw the idiot box away!)

I guess I will never have vacation in life :(

Can you think of some thing?

Tom Knows every thing,... Except?

Ever met a person who thinks he knows every thing or Let me put it this way, Some one who think he is The smartest and others are absolutely dump (while the truth is the reverse). Let me introduce you to Tom.

Tom knows every thing in the world. At least that is what he thought.  He waits for you to stop to start his speech. Few months back I told him I am going to visit the “Eiffel tower” and then he started. “Do you know how tall it is? Do you know who build it?  I had climbed to the top of it bla blab la ….” I felt I should not have told him.

I felt pity for Kathy, Tom and Kathy are married for long and I wondered how she put up with him.

 Few days later when I was in search for a job he told , not to worry at all, he can easily sponsor a job for me and I just need to do this, this, and that… However, nothing happened.

Other day when I went to the Golden Valley super market, I was so excited to see the place after the remodel Tom told he was the main architect and the main brain behind it. Two days later Tom quit the contract with Golden Valley, Reason -"They don't consider my ideas"  :)

We met one day at a party and while having dinner topic came to global warming. Tom started “Every thought why its so hot in India, Its so close to the equator…. “Oh my god! I just managed to escape.

When I was down with pneumonia, he suggested me to have tender coconut daily and it’s the best medicine. I was shouting in my mind “If you think it’s the best medicine then why the hell don’t you get some tender coconut while you come “ . I just said “Thank you”.

I was surprised the other day when Kathy called and she said she is pregnant (for the 5^th time). I felt happy for them. I wished Kathy, but then Tom was upset, he did not know when and how this happened. I kept the receiver back and just busted out laughing.

It's The Hope 4 No Hope..

Yes, Hope is that which drives my life. Each day I wake up hoping that it will be better today. Recently things have gone so worse that I wished sun never rise and just sleep forever with out waking up. I am glad that I am able to sleep well at least and I live with a hope that fate does not take sleep away from me.




The greatest irony is, each day I wish it were over and hope for a better tomorrow but always wish if I could rewind my life to when I was a small kid, free from tensions and responsibilities. No, I am not a lazy person at all, as you just thought, it is just that the world around me is so scary and harder I try to elope from it the stronger it pulls me towards it. I feel like I have slipped and fallen into Niagara River, by the edge of the horseshoe and trying to escape the big fall.



I realize the best thing to do is, to just relax and let go with the flow with out any hope or expectation. It is hard, but I guess it can definitely make my life better, at least that is what all the great experienced people that I admire always advice. However, for me it is too far from practical, and the more I realize the fact the stronger I tent to elope from it.



Yes, I live in a hope that some day I will live up to reality that - Just go with the flow with out any Hope!

Moment of Realization

I always loved visiting my doctor All doctors should be proud to be what they are coz I believed they do the work which gives them what every one or at least I never get when I do my work – Job satisfaction. Think of how happy you feel when you could cure some one or save some body’s life.

It was weird; the other day I had to visit my doctor and I had a queer feeling inside me that was too hesitant to see the doctor. Some how I wished it was over. While I waited for my turn, the beautiful nurse comes with a full smile. Her smiling face made me little bit comfortable. I wonder if they are trained to smile when they first see the patient or was it coz she is happy to see me as the first patient of the day.. The nurse checked the BP and pulse, every thing looked normal. She said the doctor would come in a while. The doctor came with a list of instruction. I need to do this, that, god I never hated some thing more than this before. The doctor made me feel that I am too sick and may die any time.



Come on doctor, I just came for a regular annual health check up and I am fine. The doctor forced me for a Hep A&B shot. God, how I hate needles, after the shot I had to go to the lab and give my blood for tests. Another needle!. The beautiful nurse was back to take me to the lab.



While waiting in the waiting room I tried to find a reason for my sudden change of attitude. I always enjoyed doctor visits. I was accompanying my dear ones to the hospital recently and had seen worst faces there and that probably made me sick of hospitals. Yes, that should be there reason. I just felt like running back home. Quickly drove back home as soon as I gave my blood for test.



I have to go back 6 months later for the second dose of Hep B. 

The Innocent face!

I want you to empathize on a situation. Think that you are a woman with a kid with no house, no job, no biological relatives nor a place to go. Feel bad? Feel Terrible? However, stop doing it any more that is what I learned today.




I felt the same as you when I met a woman like that today. I was fighting my tears when she asked for 2 bucks.  Her voice choked as she talked. When asked her why she needs the money, she replied, she wants to get some food and she did not have any thing for few days. I could feel the heat radiating from my face. I gave her the money and told her to find a job immediately and take care of the baby. I started walking back to work, I was annoyed with myself for not helping her more and cursing my incapability, but my brain was frozen and all the controlled emotions just broke out as a violent explosion (I made sure no body saw me weeping. Some times, I feel it is a blessing in disguise that it is a busy world. People are just too busy that they hardly notice what others do or look like today).



She looked like a young woman not more than 25. She was beautiful. Her innocent face kept flashing my mind for the rest of the day. Her eyes were in pain. Some thing inside me, keep telling me she needs help. She looked tired but her eyes still did not loose the spark of her youth. She was so convincing.



I came back to my seat and my colleagues noticed me. Jain, my colleagues noticed my face. There comes the first shock of the day. Jain forced me to think about the mistakes I have done. First the place where she was, If you do not have a place to go with a kid will you be near a work place asking for money? When I thought about it Jain is right hardly few people walk that way. There are many places where we get free food these days. I remembered there is one just few blocks from where I met her. Third, I opened my wallet to take the money. Some one could have easily come and snatched it from me. It is a racket and I am kind of people they target.



The thought that I helped some one today to buy alcohol or drugs just made me sick. If some one-need food and I need to help I should go buy food for them. Instead, I was there giving advice to get a job and take care of the baby that almost fell on deaf ears. The thought that 2 bucks from my hard-earned money was spend on a disaster made me miserable. The incident haunted me the rest of the day and I know it will haunt me for the rest of my life. She looked so convincing but as Jain said. She is doing it because she is good at convincing people.



I wanted to cut out this memory from my brain. I lie down and close my eyes but her innocent face came to my mind. She was beautiful and her eyes keep telling me she needs help!!

 
The Traveler – I may not be much , but all I got is you !

Letter to My Friend!

My Friend,




I was like a frightened child frozen and shivering lost in a dense forest not knowing which path to go. You guided me, showing me the best path to take, you consoled me not to worry and to change the way I look at life, you gave me hope that we can get out of this, and you removed my fear by being with us all the time holding our hands tightly.



Thank you for being with me when I needed you the most.



The Traveler – I may not be much , but all I got is you